STILL giggling and dazed from the surprise monster box office of Gone Girl, Ben Affleck and David Fincher are checking into Hubris House together.
The two have decided to join forces again on Strangers, a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1951 thriller Strangers on a Train.
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Hey, it’s only Hitchcock — what could go wrong? With that in mind, let’s look back at the 10 worst Hollywood remakes of all time.
10. The Longest Yard (2005)
Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds and Adam Sandler in 2005 film The Longest Yard. Source: News Limited
Former Waterboy Adam Sandler reimagined himself as a studly quarterback in a hard-to-believe attempt to recapture the spirit of the gritty 1974 original starring Burt Reynolds. Reynolds featured as a mentor figure in Sandler’s version, which was neither funny nor dramatic.
9. The Women (2008)
Eva Mendes in a scene from 2008 film The Women. Source: Supplied
Meg Ryan rounded up Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Debra Messing in a witless attempt to recapture the Champagne fizz of the ahead-of-its-time 1939 film, a sharp and groundbreaking work in which only women appeared.
8. Poseidon (2006)
Josh Lucas, Emmy Rossum and Kurt Russell in a scene from 2006 film Poseidon. Source: Supplied
The original Poseidon Adventure quickly came to be dubbed campy, but the 1972 blockbuster’s suspense was palpable, and its characters memorable. The remake featured a dopey cast of stock characters played by Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum and Josh Lucas.
7. Arthur (2011)
Russell Brand as Arthur in 2011 film Arthur. Source: Supplied
Hard to remember now, but Russell Brand was hot property in Hollywood after he stole the show in 2008’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall. For the remake of the 1981 classic that won Dudley Moore an Oscar nomination, Brand went fully infantile and insufferable as more of a spoiled toddler than Moore’s semi-tortured boy-man.
6. Straw Dogs (2011)
James Marsden and Kate Bosworth in a scene from Straw Dogs. Source: Supplied
Sam Peckinpah’s 1971 film, a quintessential work from Hollywood’s period of giving artists a wide berth to make movies as dank and low as they pleased, was notorious for its level of violence (which today seems unexceptional).
The remake, with James Marsden and Kate Bosworth as the sophisticated young couple who run afoul of local yokels, is so unintentionally snobbish that you’ll be rooting for the psychopaths.
5. The Shaggy Dog (2006)
Tim Allen starred as Dave Douglas in a scene from The Shaggy Dog. Source: News Limited
Like Straw Dogs, this one sent up a loud “woof.” Tim Allen, unbearable even by Tim Allen standards, plays a D.A. who gets turned into a 300-year-old furry beast in an animal-rights-driven plot.
4. Around the World in 80 Days (2004)
Jackie Chan and Cecile De France in the 2004 film Around the World in 80 Days. Source: News Corp Australia
Overblown 1950s comedy-adventures are a film genre that aged especially badly, but that didn’t stop Jackie Chan and Steve Coogan from doing their frantic best to make Victorian slapstick seem contemporary.
3. Swept Away (2002)
Madonna and Adriano Gianinni with director Guy Ritchie on location during the making of 2002 film Swept Away. Source: News Corp Australia
With a 5 per cent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Guy Ritchie’s remake of the saucy 1974 Italian art-house film seemed to announce to the world how annoying it must be to be married to Madonna. The film sank immediately, and the pair never made another film together.
2. Planet of the Apes (2001)
Mark Wahlberg with Estella Warren in scene from 2001 film Planet of the Apes. Source: News Limited
Tim Burton’s bonkers remake of the 1968 sci-fi film decided it would be cool to ditch the original ending and replace it with a total head-scratcher. Burton himself later disowned this mess, saying, “I tried.”
1. Psycho (1998)
Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche in scene from the remake of film Psycho. Source: News Limited
Gus Van Sant’s virtual shot-by-shot remake of Hitchcock’s 1960 chiller, starring Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche, was a useful lesson in cinematic history: Slavish imitation somehow gets you the worst possible remake.
This article originally appeared in the New York Post.
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